“Experts urge UK households follow tips to beat heatwave, Dread Spider Tide” screech the inter-tabloids. Sparkling pig-grade hogwash, I say. I’ve recently discovered that the only things you need to defeat the sun are a cheap space heater set to fan mode and a PC overworked to boiling point, the combination of which creates some sort of mysteriously blissful temperature vacuum. Also, I refuse to open my curtains. For those also working on their attractive monitor-glow sallow tan, here are this week’s new PC game releases.
Monday 23rd June
Today sees the release of real estate roguelike and Balatro for landlords (Bastardlatro? Fix your own latrino?) Rentlord. “Maximize rent, while avoiding taxes!”, it urges. I’m reverting to default leftist fist shaking here but the one landlord I’ve ever had was actually a really nice bloke who once took it upon himself to unblock a sink I’d clogged up with rice. Also, he reminded me strongly of Ian Holm’s Bilbo Baggins. Darktide’s Arbites class is also out. Ah, Games Workshop. The company who only take time off from plagiarising Judge Dredd (and Dune, and Moorcock) to sue individual Etsy users for selling dice with ork faces on them.
Tuesday 24th June
Tuesday brings tactical RPG Shuffle Tactics, which features both nicely minimal pixel sprites and very good fantasy mammals. It’s got deckbuilding too, listing both Final Fantasy Tactics and Slay The Spire as inspirations. There’s also more Warty Thou in the form of the Lex Imperialis story expansion for Owlcat’s Rogue Trader. It’s also got Arbites in it. Nanomon Virtual Pet looks cute, if you’re bored of all the grimdark cyberdogs.
Wednesday 25th June
Free walking sim Condo is about exploring an apartment complex in a bout of insomnia and meeting its inhabitants. It’s got a slightly noirish, slightly windowless whiskey bar from Yakuza vibe I’m fond of. Dungeon Mori is a fetching crawler, although perhaps not fetching enough to overcome my inherent racism against fantasy catgirls.
Thursday 26th June
Friday 27th June
Friday has Antro inside of it – a rhythmic 2.5d platformer from Barcelona where you’re a courier who’s also out to overthrow a totalitarian regime. There’s also “Untitled Shoes Game” Bambas. Good one, Edwin.
This week the Treehouse is mostly melting. Not me though. I am a very good temperature. Let me know if I’ve missed any good’uns.